This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
