life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
two words...techno handjob
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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