My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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