I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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