about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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