he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
