Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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