I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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