i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
