This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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