I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
