If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
