I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
