and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
