he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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