no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
