My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
