Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
