I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
