Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
