Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
