He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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