I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
