I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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