She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
