now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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