I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
