I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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