I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
