I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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