Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
