i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
