I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
