Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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