I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
