i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
