So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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