sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
