even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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