Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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