Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
