also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
