This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
