trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
