I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
