Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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