he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She bit a glass in half.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
