Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
