I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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