he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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