the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
