I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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