none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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