I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
