OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its not stalking. its research.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
